Part 5: I'll play it so the OP doesn't have to!
Looks like Rob does have another outfit - a camp little Cadet uniform.
It's time to get started on the exam. Robert must pass this to become a SeeD mercenary. He's been boning up with/over Quistis for months, so he should do OK.
Zell? What a queer name that is. Why are there no Jasons in Final Fantasy? Riddle me that! Here he comes.
OH GOD AHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA
After a little introduction, Zell decides to give our hero some advice about Seifer. Even though, you know, it's totally none of his business because he doesn't even know Rob that well.
Hahaha. That gets funnier and funnier every time.
Oh no. But he's soooo mean! Also, I thought Seifer had taken this exam a bunch of times and never passed. Why is he captain?
Who are these idiots? This makes no sense. He's failed the SeeD exam a hundred thousand times, yet these guys still do as he says.
The Headmaster shows up to see us off.
What the FUCK? I don't want to be in this squad any more.
HONK HONK FOGHORN. The boat takes us to from Balamb to Dollet, which is where our mission is.
This is Xu. She's pretty hot, just like 99% of the other women in this game. Seifer decides that maybe he'll pass the exam this time if he just doesn't pay attention to anything that's said. Suddenly it's gametime.
War! Our transport makes a landing on the beach.
Go team! Our mission is to clear out the central square -
- which is no trouble at all.
Zell makes his intentions even clearer.
Hide! Soldiers! Low-level soldiers!
We decide to go against orders and follow them. It's pretty clear why Seifer never passed his exam.
On the way, we encounter this guy, who doesn't get the chance to tell us anything of interest before...
... he is rapidly devoured by a snake.
Seifer's a tool, but he can at least swing a gunblade pretty well. We finish off the snake in a few turns of physical attack. Then Seifer runs off ahead because he likes to go out of his way to be a shit.
No worries though, because somebody shows up to replace him.
KAAWWAAIIII! This is Selphie. She's absolutely batshit, by the way.
What the fuck is the matter with you people? Are none of you even remotely balanced?
Biggs and Wedge! Hooray. Biggs is repairing a communications tower. As responsible mercenaries, it's our job to get up there and smack the shit out of him instead.
Biggs and Wedge are pretty easy people down upon whom to lay the smack. Biggs is also someone from whom Esuna can be drawn, so the party (yay!) draw the shit out of it until my attention span runs out.
We don't even need to kill them, because a random tornado reaches from the heavens and sweeps them into a confused oblivion. Hooray! Oh, wait...
Elvoret. This guy isn't as easy as you might think, since Robert has levelled up a shitload more than Zell and Kawaii, so Elvoret is a little more powerful, and can kill them in two or three hits with his tornado attack. That's not to say Robert can't easily fuck him up, which he does promptly, but not before we draw Siren out of him.
Check it out. We killed it so hard it exploded.
Actually, I probably would have gone with Pimpslap, but it was posted too late. I'm definitely going to use a goon-suggested name for Diablos. Honest.