You can't dope the truth

Last night I finally got around to watching the 60 Minutes expose of Lance Armstrong. I've embedded the video below, in case you want to watch it. Pretty compelling.

For me, there is no longer any doubt that Lance Armstrong doped. There's also no doubt that every other team/rider with any chance of winning any major race (Giro d'Italia, Tour de France, Vuelte, etc.) is also doping. Just as much as Lance did.

Which is to say that Armstrong almost certainly got no real benefit from doping, relative to his fellow cheaters. Either he won clean amongst a peloton filled with "dirty" riders, which is pretty amazing (and, frankly, not credible), or he won dirty, amongst a field of dirty riders, which is still pretty amazing.

Either way, he's the best cyclist ever.

At least, for now. Contador is on the verge of displacing him. Contador has already tested positive for drugs. He, like Armstrong, may eventually get away with it, but it's clear that he's doping, too. But not necessarily doping his way to success. Success in cycling still comes down to brutal self-mastery, as ex-pro cyclist (and Armstrong teammate) Tyler Hamilton says.

Contador isn't winning because he's cheating. Cheating is the table stakes to get him in the game. He's winning because he's a better athlete than the field, and works harder, just like Armstrong before him.

But where these men lose every single day of their lives is in lying about it. I can't imagine the moral turmoil Armstrong endures every time he lies about being clean. It gets worse as the stakes get bigger, too. The more he's pursued, the more doggedly he denies wrongdoing. The more he damns himself.

It's not worth it. I think back to times when I've lied, worried about facing the consequences of the truth. Ultimately, in every single case owning up to my lie has felt better than nursing a lie to my "benefit." There is no benefit to deceit. Ever. But there is deep and abiding peace in telling the truth. Every time.

I pity Lance Armstrong. I pity him because he has strenuously painted himself into a corner. At some point, he's going to have to tell the truth, and he'll feel better for it, assuming he declares the truth of his own free will, and isn't forced into it. At that point, he's going to feel like a fool for hanging onto his lie for so long, and for smearing his ex-teammates.

But I hope he does, so that he can find peace.

He's still the greatest cyclist of his age. I don't want to see him stripped of his victories: what would that prove? They'd just be given to another cheater...who has yet to be caught.

The 60 Minutes story:

Grand Targhee 2011 - The video

I guess I make videos like these to remind myself of just how blessed I am. It's hard to imagine time better spent than flying down a mountain with Jen and our wonderful kids. Heaven must be very much like this.




And, yes, even Lily will be there.

...And I believed her

Jen has taken to writing "You rock!" in response to my somewhat self-congratulatory texts to her ("Took care of getting your headphones back," ""Took the car in to get fixed," etc.). I haven't thought of them as kudos-seeking efforts, but they probably are.

And Jen's little affirmations work. I feel good when I see them. I believe her.

Last night I was remembering a song that Mandy Pead (now Green) dedicated to me 20 years ago: "Lucky Lisp" by Morrissey. Mandy probably didn't intend anything by it, but I believed the lyrics, that somehow I was going to be successful in my life. I tried to live up to them.

I believed her.

All of which makes me think that I don't do nearly enough affirming of others talents. Maybe they'll believe me and seek to become the good that I already see in them?

Worth a try.